March 15, 2010 at 11:34 am (references) (, , )

Mondays are always extremely difficult for me, particularly the mornings.  My weekends are always so full of leisure, exploration, good company, and contentment.  When given the chance to make my dreams last just a little bit longer, it is no wonder that I feel bitter about the stark return to conformity, capitalism, and unimaginative tasks.  Some things that inspired me this weekend (that I am still holding onto, in protest of the day’s implications):

Agnès Varda (excellent French New Wave director) and her autobiographical documentary the beaches of agnes

I love Agnès Varda’s thoughtful, beautiful, and quirky (I wish I had a better to word to replace that word forever) approach to art and film.  I am not a film critic, so I won’t torture you any further with my elementary observations.  But her life and perspective are definitely inspiring to me.

Beauty Academy of Kabul

This film is about a group of hairstylists who set out to open a beauty academy in post-Taliban Kabul.  I last watched this film on the very night that I suffered a concussion, so my memory of it is fuzzy.  I rewatched it this weekend and realized that I actually have mixed feelings about the project (especially upon learning that the school has since closed), but I appreciate the sentiment and the stills of the Kabul landscape were very interesting to see. 

Maggie Mudd’s hand-stuffed vegan ice cream cake

Yes, a cake inspires me.  Maggie Mudd is an ice cream shop in San Francisco that has really delicious dairy free ice cream (my favorite is peanut butter palooka) and you may customize your own stuffed cake or order one of their combinations.

I could not find a great picture, but here are some of the descriptions.  I feel greedy and want all of them.

Fudge Cookie: Chocolate ice cream, oreo cookies, fudge swirls, cookie crust (Vegan).
Sundae Someday: chocolate ice cream, fudge swirls, marshmallow swirls, strawberry swirls, oreo cookies, cookie crust (Vegan).
Peanut Butter Flutter: Peanut butter ice cream, chocolate chips, peanut butter swirls, brownie base (Vegan)
V-Banana Split: A vegan version of our Waffle Banana Split. Vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate ice cream stuffed with fresh banana slices, cherries, fudge and marshmallow swirls, and waffle bowl pieces on graham cracker crust (Vegan).

And, finally, hip-hop dance class with Micaya at ODC Dance Commons.  I have a more traditional dance background and am therefore having a difficult time adapting to hip-hop style, but this class is fun!!  You can drop in to any class you want at ODC.  A great place.  I will be working on my “slouch” more in the future.

Play on, Monday.


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The Life Cycle of Recreational Drugs

November 25, 2009 at 12:04 pm (visuals, what was she thinking) ()









Mental Retardation.



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Up Up Up

September 10, 2009 at 12:05 pm (what was she thinking) (, , )

I have spent a lot of my life so far accepting and rationializing mediocrity.  The past year of my life consisted mostly of mourning and acting out against tragedy.  At this moment in my life, I am basking in the benefits of actually seeking out and embracing what I deserve.  It feels nice and oddly takes way less effort than the constant pressure involved with always trying to make things better.

I checked out my old personal website through Michigan State yesterday.  We used those websites to post papers and things for some of my classes, but after I graduated, I used mine as a web design practice site while I taught myself programs.  Some of the site’s incarnations are pretty funny to look at, but what shocked me the most is that my “online journal” entries are not very different from the words I post today.  Except I think I was smarter and had more time on my hands to read and do art.  But not much has changed in my head, apparently.

Exhibit A:

Date: Thursday, June 12, 2003 7:58:05
Topic: obsessions for now
nag champa
nivea lotion
the rapture
big jewelry
nylon magazine
my dog
leaving work on time
a song by neko case
vanilla musk
big salads
leaving the lights off
people watching
mix cds
frilly tops
taking bad photographs
sarcastic writers
looking at old photographs
deconstructed fashion
$8 concerts
there are a million more shallow obsessions to list, but i must go to work.
enjoy the silence.

Exhibit B:

Date: Monday, June 16, 2003 7:47:34
Topic: patience will find you pretty things
while waiting for the bus yesterday, an old, toothless man sat near me and shouted “happy father’s day! happy everybody day! everyday is everybody day!.” then he began to pump his nubby hand into the air and sang that song “joy and pain . . . sunshine and rain.” then, a cop pulled up and arrested him because he received a complaint from trader joe’s and the man wasn’t cooperating. i wonder what he did at trader joe’s. hopefully it was fun . . . maybe he had some sunshine to go with his rain.
i have another obsession to add . . . french films. except for the very violent, head-chopping sort. L’auberge Espagnole (which wasn’t entirely in french) is a fun film, i think. i also rented Frida (not french, of course) . . . the art direction is amazing in that movie. i’m painfully jealous of the people who get to design films like that.
i hibernated all weekend . . . sad it’s over.
work work work work work work work work work work.
monday fun day

Exhibit C:

Date: Sunday, May 4, 2003 1:06:28
Topic: sunday lusty sunday
do you ever wonder what people are like when they are with their closest friends? those lucky enough to have an invitation to such a forum are often somewhat surprised that the person they’ve befriended isn’t quite so innocent after all. innocence is relative, though, right? i am certainly virtuous, by my standards. 😉
everyone has needs (i keep pounding away at that theme, don’t i? . . . ew, terrible pun – so sorry). perhaps the tight-lipped folks just spend more time tactfully slipping their needs under their bed (where their pornography is hidden) to reveal them at a more appropriate time. for some reason, the quiescent people intrigue me. i love how it seems like they are holding on to a secret and they won’t share it with just anyone. maybe i’m fond because they don’t let on that they aren’t listening to a damn word you are saying. i wish i would embrace silence more often.
so what are the chronic-sex-talkers looking for? attention? probably sex. most tenth graders will agree that those who discuss it frequently aren’t engaging in the activity so much. maybe that is why the CSTs demand that the general public view them in a sexual way. and does all of the hyberbolic, forced, sexual imagery indefinitely drop the chronic-sex-talker’s partner onto a lubricated slope that leads to an anti-climactic vat of unfeeling disappointment? hmmm…
my brother thinks that sex is the lowest common denominator . . . i’m not sure i agree – i think it can feel strictly primal, cheap, or awkward, for those that devalue it in such a way and therefore, approach it with a small amount of respect. but some people attach plenty of powerful abstractions to “sexual acts” (for shame! that was so very sex-ed teacher of me). i think connecting sexually can, for the most part, contain a series of profound moments, if one so desires.
maybe it is difficult to listen to someone chatter on about sex on their terms, according to their values (shit, is that what i’m doing ri-ght now?). when you spend most of your life trying to escape sexual attention (although everyone appreciates it, in a way) in hope that others will deal with you on an intellectual level, you tend to distrust those that discuss fornication in excess. alas, in time, you let people see you. and, because you’re bored with trying, it doesn’t matter what kind of attention comes along.
whether someone hides who they are or tries to focus on one aspect of who they are to skew the perception of others, “the others” always tend to finally see through the methods. you can run, but you can’t hide. uhm, and as evidence indicates . . . i’m not skillful at either.
in case this has become too ponder-ific, i would like to add that stephen malkmus is my new make-believe boyfriend. i want to wrap my ballerina tights around his head. hah!
i’ve become quite the chronic-crush-talker . . .

So you see, I had many of the same obsessions, same desires, and the same proclivity toward posting random, rambling thoughts as now.  I am starting to understand why I received the mock election awards of  “least changed” and “most memorable” (among others) in high school.  It didn’t make sense to me at the time. 

I guess I think the biggest difference in me then v. me now is that I am tougher.  Tougher and wiser.  Maybe even more liberal.  And I am proud to say that I am feeling hopeful, excited, grateful, and full of love for the things and people in my life right now.  I don’t care if I am a piece of cheese.  Hopefully I am at least a delicious hunk of triple cream.










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Pack animals are the best cuddlers

August 4, 2009 at 12:49 pm (visuals) (, )


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Wondering and Wandering

July 29, 2009 at 9:15 pm (references, visuals) (, , )

I tell my dog she is pretty at least 15 times a day.  I often wonder how that might affect a child.

I am kind of obsessed with saving/catching up on/getting ahead with money at the moment.  I need this right now.


Heart shaped pancakes.

Yogi kava tea.

French films.

New rad, holistic doctor (Dr. Dinenberg) who is covered by insurance and kind of inspiring (I don’t care if that sounds cheesy – he is really great).

New plan to leave the city to visit somewhere sunny and/or lovely at least once-a-month.

SF Vegan Drinks tomorrow!

Finally getting a California license.

Leisure this weekend!

Vintage dress shopping.

Haircut (desperately needed).

My friend also brought in an Elle spread of a model she thinks looks like me (except taller, prettier, more photogenic, with bigger lips – who also happens to be with Sean Lennon . . . flattering, but quite a stretch, hmm?).  We do look more alike in the Elle photos, I suppose, which I cannot find online.  I want to hang out with Yoko Ono!  


Good night.  Sleep tight, peanuts.


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When life gives you shit

July 27, 2009 at 5:13 pm (references, visuals) (, , )

Flush it.

Then, burn sage or nag champa (I am one of the few people I know who love nag champa).

Next, get a mani-pedi with Chanel’s new color from their Fall ’09 Venice collection, Gondola.


Rent interesting films:

jean-luc godard’s Breathless

Qui êtes vous, Polly Maggoo?


Lying (which I mostly picked in order to gawk at the scenery and the fashion)


Take nap.

Bubble bath.

Drink tea.

Start new.

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