Department of Mandi Vindication
I know that people sometimes develop mantras to help calm themselves down when needed. I can’t stop thinking, “Let’s do this!” Therefore, I decided that is my non-traditional mantra. A little Susan Powter/aggressive, sure. But I like it. It helps me remember that being a totally freaked out wuss/basket case is healthy and quite natural a reaction to things sometimes, but after a while, you need to spring into action and clean up messes and just push forward and build a force field around you, particle by particle. Every time I falter lately, I learn something (the painful way), then come back even stronger and wiser. This is the only good thing about falling from grace, that I have noticed so far. I also become 20% cuter with every pull-up. Kidding.
So, I spent my entire afternoon at the DMV. I read through the informational test booklet. I almost died waiting in line with the craziest fucking people in the entire city. My weak arm shook trying to push my thumb down hard enough for a machine to register my thumb-print. I should probably bulk up (by the way, dr.’s order of five small meals a day is like impossible for me. I can’t fit it all in my belly, I swear). I was told to have separate pictures taken for my license and ID, which seemed very luxurious and California proper. I’m pretty sure I look like a leather-tanned, hippy, dipshit in both pics, with just a subtle difference in dweeb-face as a distinction.
While waiting in an endless, chaotic line, I watched person after person, of all ages and identities, get their tests corrected, only to be met with news of failure. I got nervous. I took my test. Waited in a longer line next to the first one (both attended by the same person). I thought about what a pain in the ass it would be to fail this test since the DMV is such. an. ordeal. that it took me like 4 million years to succumb to making an appointment and taking that annoying test.
I am almost a little overexcited to announce that I passed! I skipped out of that stinky, crowded place. And was promptly asked out by a teenage boy. He wanted me to go to a concert with him tonight. I said “no thank you” and told him that I already have plans.
And yes, eating tacos by yourself at greenchile kitchen and finally watching Breathless with your adorable dog on a Friday night counts as plans!! Props to gutsy teenage boys, though.
Wondering and Wandering
I tell my dog she is pretty at least 15 times a day. I often wonder how that might affect a child.
I am kind of obsessed with saving/catching up on/getting ahead with money at the moment. I need this right now.
Sage.
Heart shaped pancakes.
Yogi kava tea.
French films.
New rad, holistic doctor (Dr. Dinenberg) who is covered by insurance and kind of inspiring (I don’t care if that sounds cheesy – he is really great).
New plan to leave the city to visit somewhere sunny and/or lovely at least once-a-month.
SF Vegan Drinks tomorrow!
Finally getting a California license.
Leisure this weekend!
Vintage dress shopping.
Haircut (desperately needed).
My friend also brought in an Elle spread of a model she thinks looks like me (except taller, prettier, more photogenic, with bigger lips – who also happens to be with Sean Lennon . . . flattering, but quite a stretch, hmm?). We do look more alike in the Elle photos, I suppose, which I cannot find online. I want to hang out with Yoko Ono!
Good night. Sleep tight, peanuts.
xoxo
When life gives you shit
Flush it.
Then, burn sage or nag champa (I am one of the few people I know who love nag champa).
Next, get a mani-pedi with Chanel’s new color from their Fall ‘09 Venice collection, Gondola.
Rent interesting films:
jean-luc godard’s Breathless
and
Lying (which I mostly picked in order to gawk at the scenery and the fashion)
Take nap.
Bubble bath.
Drink tea.
Start new.
Notes from on the ground
THINGS.
Good thing: I love Skin Trip.
Sad thing: a realization that I have allowed an unfortunate, tragic period take me to a point of weakness that opens me up to being treated like a doormat. I’m trying my hardest to fix it. It is beyond difficult. I am tapping into a strength reserve that I didn’t even know was in me.
Unfortunate thing: I am less open to being such a lover, which sucks sucks sucks.
Another sad thing: Caring about someone + wanting the best for them + disapproving of destructive behavior = them checking out and taking up with someone who isn’t good enough to care.
Devastating thing: Being powerless over the above.
Surreal thing: I feel like my insides are exposed and unprotected.
Necessary thing: A weekend of swimming and sun and Vitamin D.
Bummer thing: Favorite MJ sunglasses are MIA.
Frustrating thing: I feel uncomfortably numb.
Awesome thing: Spending time with my dog, who has developed the most adorable snore.
Goodnight, weekend. I look forward to the next one.
500 Days of Summer’s Outfits
500 Days of Summer was good, painful (due to being able to relate a little bit too much), and not as radical and great as I expected. But I had serious outfit envy. Check out some of Zooey Deschanel’s character, Summer’s outfits. Gimme!
I hope to actually write something of substance at some point soon. My writing is as fragmented as my head right now.
Side-note
You can watch the thirty days episode about animal rights here. I just watched it. I’m all verklempt.
It is a really good episode (very educational . . . as they all seem to be). Watch this show at least once if you haven’t already, no matter what the topic! I even learned some things that I had never really known before, which is saying a lot since I have done tons of reading on food, diet, and the associated industries. In summary, an avid hunter named George goes to live with a vegan, activist family and work at a factory farm animal sanctuary (the one referenced in my last post). He isn’t a dim-wit or extremely impressionable or anything, and the format of the show isn’t framed in a propaganda sort of way, like how you might expect. I like this show because it is really more about exposing people to things that they might not have known about before and seeing how they process the information. New experiences bring compassion and understanding. Those things are priceless to me.
Oh, and be careful if you have a hard time seeing disturbing images, like I do. I stuck with it for this episode, but it was difficult. I keep trying to think about the sweet animals they were able to rescue to avoid tearing up. My dog also kept trying to watch with me and I had to shield her eyes from traumatic images! Yes, I am a crazy animal person. But to be fair, one of my other favorite episodes of this show was one where a conservative Christian man goes to live with a Muslim family in Michigan. I guess I am a crazy lover person. I’m okay with that.
p.s. This is the little buddy that the hunter ended up rescuing and nursing back to health. Love. I can’t take it.
