Well, looky here.
Even though I am mad popular and very busy and important, Sunday seems to be a perfect day for perving around the internet. I am slowly but surely building up a list of frequently visited sites that do not suck, so maybe you will like them too! It is kind of like Follow Friday, but more like Sunday Bloody Sunday (which consists of trying to outshine the blues, avoid the ticking clock, and get maximum greatness out of your day). And you know you are sooo fricking tired of Facebook/Twitter/[insert soul-sucking social network here]. And let’s face it, For the Love of Ray J 2 can’t pump out episodes quickly enough to keep you satisfied.
(Oh my gosh . . . don’t cry, Caliente!)
Sorry. Distracted.
So here we go!
For people who are interested in hair, makeup, fashion and the products/shopping opportunities that this sort of life presents. The blogger is a makeup artist/stylist and all of that, so she approaches things from a practical, yet artistic point. She uses more products with chemical ingredients than I would ever want to use, but there aren’t enough eco-friendly options out there as of yet. Some good products, yes, but not. enough. I like her posts.
- At the time of press, I have watched Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance video approximately 48 times. I do realize that this isn’t an old-timey paper, but the interweb, but I don’t care and I will do as I please. Anyway, if you take delight in her perfect blend of talent and mental retardation like I do, aim those peepers at her youtube channel. I really love that she has started using an arthritic claw in conjunction with her dance moves. Dance moves that I am learning RIGHT NOW. I am also contemplating getting a really huge, obnoxious tattoo that simply states “I’m a free bitch, baby” (freak bitch? what does she say there? let the debate begin). Or maybe Walk-Walk-Fashion-Baby-Work-It-Move-That-Bitch-Cuh-razy down my arm. I’m obsessed. Shutup.
- I like to link to Jezebel every chance I get. If you are a modern feminist/girl/human who has no problem with life on an emotional roller coaster of serious political rage, shamey guilty pleasures, bomb humor, a love for fashion, and a voyeuristic love for semi-intellectual anonymous commenter shit-talking, you should read this on the daily. If you are a dude who always thought he was socially conscious, but has had difficulty relating to smart and super hot women as of late, you should read this site. If you are a dog or a cat or a parrot without thumbs, you should find a way to read this site. Just sayin’.
- My really hot and smart and creative boyfriend and I are working on some guest posts for one of the coolest diet/lifestyle websites on the planet (VEGANSAURUS!), so you betta wreckuhnize. Even if you aren’t vegan, (say, you want to have a day without the blood of murder, oppression, and self-destruction on your hands . . . I don’t blame you!), you should check it out. Laura B. of yelp fame is the creator/awesomest writer for vegansaurus/my idol and if you want to get my attention or get in my pants or even get me to smile at you, get to researching, kiddo! If you want to suck in general, don’t go to the site. I’m not here to tell you what to do. Grow up. God, being a bully really suits me these days. Ah, *life.*
- Natural Deodorant. Two words. Very powerful words that conjure the not-so-magical smells of human odor gone sour. But if you are not so down with dosing your body with chemicals via your epidermis (aka The Cancer), then I am here to share with you the fruits of a lifelong journey to find a non-chemical deodorant that doesn’t make people talk shit about your taqueria pits behind your back. Aubrey Organics E Plus High C is the best, most-legit natural deodorant that I have found, with the most musical name (which can only help you, not hurt you). This product has a nice health rating from GoodGuide and smells like the area around your grandma’s pool (NOT a euphemism, Sickos . . . You are sick in the head . . . Get some therapy already, Sicky Van Sicken the Third). I want to go put some on. Good habit to have! I am the Pit Boss.
- Oh my gosh, I just realized, just now (bloggin’ in real time, y’all!) that the aforementioned GoodGuide has an iPhone app. You should know that I am not going to link to that shiz again, because nothing is uglier than a post overwhelmed with links, especially since I am too lazy to look for prettier format options on wordpress. Also: thank you, iPhone apps, for making my phone somewhat useful for at least something, since AT&T has decided against allowing me to use it as an actual phone. Raise your hand if you love/hate your iPhone. Welcome. We have been waiting for you.
- I don’t really know what else to say because I really have to go to the bathroom and get down to business and tend to my awesome day now. But I love you and I hope you visit again really soon.
The Life Cycle of Recreational Drugs
Woa!
Cool.
Awesome.
Awesome.
Awesome.
Awesome.
Sleep.
Anxiety.
Mental Retardation.
Repeat.
THE END.
Right. Now.
This is the first of a new line of re-tart-ed posts that will allow you, the voyeur, to peep a moment of my g-l-a-m-o-r-o-u-s life and feel what it is like to reside in my head. WELCOME TO HELL. Just kidding! It is usually fun in there. Having said thaaaat . . . at this moment . . .
Style I am unabashedly trying to mimic/steal:
Bardot in Contempt.
What is spinning on my super fancy turntable that I know nothing about:
My newest record, purchased at Aquarius Records solely based on my pervy eyes liking the cover. Not bad at all. This method totally works, by the way. But you must have a sense for awesomeness; only requirement.
Jonesin’ – “Hi, We’re Jonesin”
Crazy bishes that I can’t stop stalking on the internet:
Dita Von Teese (she is armenian and from michigan and is a natural blonde!)
You guessed it, Brigitte Bardot. She is supposedly guilty of “inciting racial hatred” on multiple occasions, but I’m wondering if she is just super French, old, and one of those animal lovers who hates people (which isn’t that despicable, in my book – wha? wha?). But who knows.
Library book that I am really into and am therefore sooo pissed that I forgot today:
Packed with so much good information, it makes you feel really smart and powerful. Alas, the website is an eyesore. Waaaah, I want my book.
How I feel:
Simultaneously happy and sad, beautiful and fugly, content and ill.
Okay, that’s about it for now.
Oh, look! A soy gelato root beer float from St. Francis Fountain!
[creeping away, slowly, backwards from ticklefight now . . . ]
Old man. Snoring
It is Friday, I am wearing jeans that are probably from the 1990’s (what year is it anyway?), a ponytail, and glasses and YES, I feel pretty. It is cloudy and dreary and chilly in the world outside of my window and I’ve spent a good amount of time talking and typing people’s ears off with my current weather report, scientifically based on the flag perched atop the building across from my 20th floor window.
“Woaaah! Looks like it is getting wiiild out there, dude. The flag is choking its pole!”
“Look at that flag go! Sure looks windy out there.”
I am a genius. Don’t hate.
So, blah blah blah, work, blah blah, dreaming of being in my doggy’s arms, eating the vegan cupcake waiting for me at home, and watching horrible tv (uhm, James Franco is on General Hospital, WHY AM I HERE) . . . which leads me to what I am perving around on the internet for lately.
Survey says . . . cozy bamboo items! I found some of the softest bamboo undiepants at the Green Festival and of course they only had size HUGE for HIPPY (just kidding! I’m a hippy, we’re all hippies!), so I was unable to purchase them. Usually, unrequited lust quickly becomes obsession for me.
Therefore, check out some of this cozy dreamwear (some of etsy’s finest) that I hope will get on my body someday soon.
Fashion + function. Built-in bib/crumb-catcher meets cozy, pretty top meets incredibly realistic mannequin nipples.
I don’t really wear beanies, but I might start. New fashion icon: Johnny Depp.
Leggings are totally pants. Shutup.
Cute dress with maximum space for food baby expansion.
And, finally, the addition of cute little side bows keeps you from looking like a complete jerkface in these yogini pants.
Now get shopping (for me!). I will be waiting on my couch, eagerly awaiting your arrival/gifts.
Holy Moley, Me Oh My
I’m kind of super happy right now (and also busy), which means that what I write on here might bore you to insanity or make you roll your eyes out of your head and down lombard street. But I will GIVE IT A SHOT, DAMNIT.
First order of business . . .
One of my favorite people, my favorite creature, some of my bestest friends, and the coolest person I know (me) are attempting to ditch all of the junk in our lives (gross antibiotic-hormone-chemical laden dairy and other products). As a result, we are officially becoming the softest skin and fur wearing (the kind of fur that grows on us), shiniest hair owning, most beauteous, energetic, and happy people on the planet! Or at least in the running. If it sounds cultish, IT IS. It is no secret that I have always wanted to be in a cult. Especially one that cares about the environment, animals, and looking f-o-ine! Oh, and we smell better too (turns out that meat and dairy make you stank in comparison). I will post more observations/results from my quest to become a superhuman soon. It’s about to get real, son.
Next . . .
I am obsessed with Google Wave. I have chatted on it, shared links, revised documents, watched people type messages to me in real time (creep), and shared photos and ideas with other special friends who received invites. All in the same window!! I am working with a preview version at the moment, but hey, it is the wave of the future (wink, wink). Also, I do not have any invites yet. Hopefully soon. Because I am over regular email/gmail. Just so you know.
Also . . .
I am looking to move out of my baby treehouse. Into the Mission district. At some point. Where I will then proceed to gain 40lbs. But will be joyous. Then to Nevada City. Where I can sell mountain knicknacks. Short. Sentences.
And . . .
I am working on a documentary!! More on that soon.
In conclusion (for now), things are caaaaaaalming down. My life is no longer an old tree meekly hanging onto its roots in the middle of a raging shitstorm. Phew. So now I can post multiple daily updates about petty things without having to do this “hey, it has been a while, look at how emo I am with my lame life update” post every time I want to revisit ye olde ticklefight.
STAY TUNED.
(love ya . . . mean it)
Well, hello there!
Thank you for not giving up on me. I have been meaning to write, but life keeps getting in the way. However, I woke up early today (incredible feat) to get some stuff done and here I am – acting in response to a number of threats regarding my writing hiatus.
Sooo . . . to get things rolling again, I will report some good things:
More cool people (and less hurtful people) in my life.
Big October = music, people, books, sunshine, brains, and fun.
Which leads to > more nerdy things to exercise my brain. God, I needed that.
New record player (fancy turntable!) + new speakers + some thing with knobs + new records (hey joanna newsom EP and bat for lashes!) = a happy, happy girl.
I might get to see my ENTIRE family at once in December (another amazing feat).
Jeannie, the Creature from the Sheets, officially has the cutest dog walker in the whole wide world.
My old friends Honesty and Loyalty are hanging out again.
A new cool GIRL friend (shocking).
New glasses after like 7 years of wearing the same old mf’ing lisa loeb frames.
Big book sale + vegetarian festival + bluegrass + Treasure Island Music Festival next weekend.
My plants are growing at a beastly rate, which means I DO NOT KILL PLANTS (I have always thought I had a murderous thumb).
Half-day today to pick up a car and drive to Nevada City for the weekend (with pup included) to seek out commune property and whatever else we might find there (wood sprites? good vintage? veggie food? warlocks?).
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, things are going quite well and I am officially no longer a Victim of the Storm.
Okay. I’ve broken the seal. Expect more. I need a soy chai to think/write nonsense properly. Then, it’s on.
Up Up Up
I have spent a lot of my life so far accepting and rationializing mediocrity. The past year of my life consisted mostly of mourning and acting out against tragedy. At this moment in my life, I am basking in the benefits of actually seeking out and embracing what I deserve. It feels nice and oddly takes way less effort than the constant pressure involved with always trying to make things better.
I checked out my old personal website through Michigan State yesterday. We used those websites to post papers and things for some of my classes, but after I graduated, I used mine as a web design practice site while I taught myself programs. Some of the site’s incarnations are pretty funny to look at, but what shocked me the most is that my “online journal” entries are not very different from the words I post today. Except I think I was smarter and had more time on my hands to read and do art. But not much has changed in my head, apparently.
Exhibit A:
Date: Thursday, June 12, 2003 7:58:05
Topic: obsessions for now
chai
crocheting
nag champa
nivea lotion
the rapture
big jewelry
nylon magazine
my dog
leaving work on time
a song by neko case
vanilla musk
big salads
leaving the lights off
people watching
mix cds
frilly tops
taking bad photographs
sarcastic writers
looking at old photographs
hiding
dvds
deconstructed fashion
$8 concerts
there are a million more shallow obsessions to list, but i must go to work.
enjoy the silence.
Exhibit B:
Date: Monday, June 16, 2003 7:47:34
Topic: patience will find you pretty things
while waiting for the bus yesterday, an old, toothless man sat near me and shouted “happy father’s day! happy everybody day! everyday is everybody day!.” then he began to pump his nubby hand into the air and sang that song “joy and pain . . . sunshine and rain.” then, a cop pulled up and arrested him because he received a complaint from trader joe’s and the man wasn’t cooperating. i wonder what he did at trader joe’s. hopefully it was fun . . . maybe he had some sunshine to go with his rain.
i have another obsession to add . . . french films. except for the very violent, head-chopping sort. L’auberge Espagnole (which wasn’t entirely in french) is a fun film, i think. i also rented Frida (not french, of course) . . . the art direction is amazing in that movie. i’m painfully jealous of the people who get to design films like that.
i hibernated all weekend . . . sad it’s over.
work work work work work work work work work work.
monday fun day
Exhibit C:
Date: Sunday, May 4, 2003 1:06:28
Topic: sunday lusty sunday
do you ever wonder what people are like when they are with their closest friends? those lucky enough to have an invitation to such a forum are often somewhat surprised that the person they’ve befriended isn’t quite so innocent after all. innocence is relative, though, right? i am certainly virtuous, by my standards.
everyone has needs (i keep pounding away at that theme, don’t i? . . . ew, terrible pun – so sorry). perhaps the tight-lipped folks just spend more time tactfully slipping their needs under their bed (where their pornography is hidden) to reveal them at a more appropriate time. for some reason, the quiescent people intrigue me. i love how it seems like they are holding on to a secret and they won’t share it with just anyone. maybe i’m fond because they don’t let on that they aren’t listening to a damn word you are saying. i wish i would embrace silence more often.
so what are the chronic-sex-talkers looking for? attention? probably sex. most tenth graders will agree that those who discuss it frequently aren’t engaging in the activity so much. maybe that is why the CSTs demand that the general public view them in a sexual way. and does all of the hyberbolic, forced, sexual imagery indefinitely drop the chronic-sex-talker’s partner onto a lubricated slope that leads to an anti-climactic vat of unfeeling disappointment? hmmm…
my brother thinks that sex is the lowest common denominator . . . i’m not sure i agree – i think it can feel strictly primal, cheap, or awkward, for those that devalue it in such a way and therefore, approach it with a small amount of respect. but some people attach plenty of powerful abstractions to “sexual acts” (for shame! that was so very sex-ed teacher of me). i think connecting sexually can, for the most part, contain a series of profound moments, if one so desires.
maybe it is difficult to listen to someone chatter on about sex on their terms, according to their values (shit, is that what i’m doing ri-ght now?). when you spend most of your life trying to escape sexual attention (although everyone appreciates it, in a way) in hope that others will deal with you on an intellectual level, you tend to distrust those that discuss fornication in excess. alas, in time, you let people see you. and, because you’re bored with trying, it doesn’t matter what kind of attention comes along.
whether someone hides who they are or tries to focus on one aspect of who they are to skew the perception of others, “the others” always tend to finally see through the methods. you can run, but you can’t hide. uhm, and as evidence indicates . . . i’m not skillful at either.
in case this has become too ponder-ific, i would like to add that stephen malkmus is my new make-believe boyfriend. i want to wrap my ballerina tights around his head. hah!
i’ve become quite the chronic-crush-talker . . .
So you see, I had many of the same obsessions, same desires, and the same proclivity toward posting random, rambling thoughts as now. I am starting to understand why I received the mock election awards of ”least changed” and “most memorable” (among others) in high school. It didn’t make sense to me at the time.
I guess I think the biggest difference in me then v. me now is that I am tougher. Tougher and wiser. Maybe even more liberal. And I am proud to say that I am feeling hopeful, excited, grateful, and full of love for the things and people in my life right now. I don’t care if I am a piece of cheese. Hopefully I am at least a delicious hunk of triple cream.
Never.
Stop.
Crushing.
With.
All.
Of.
Your.
Being.
Food Porn Monday
There you are, Little Star Pizza. I’ve been looking for you. I want to introduce you to my parents.
Dear burrito mojado from Taqueria Cancun,
Some people think you are “ugly hot” but, whatevs – all I can think about is how you are there for me when I need you and you leave me feeling so satisfied.
With love,
Amanda.
Well, hello, Fat Bottom Bakery! Very nice to meet you and your vegan pride cupcakes. We should spend some quality time together.
I need to unbutton my pants now.
I promise
I promise to write more. I promise to write more. I promise to write more. I promise to write more. I promise to write more. I promise to write more. I promise to write more. I promise to write more. I promise to write more. I promise to write more. I promise to write more. I promise to write more. I promise to write more. I promise to write more.
